以下原文節錄自ESPN.COM
Devean George: The untold story
Dallas, Texas.
Wednesday afternoon.
Dallas Mavericks team offices.
A knock on general manager Donn Nelson's office door.
Donn Nelson: Come in.
[Devean George enters.]
Nelson: Hi, Devean. So are you ready to be a Net? We sure do appreciate the time you've spent here in Dallas.
George: Yeah, about that. I hate to mess things up for you, but I'm not going to New Jersey. I'm invoking my no-trade clause.
Nelson: Ha! Good one. A no-trade clause given to Devean George. Very funny. Like no-trade clauses are given to average, run-of-the-mill players. Good one, Devean. We're going to miss your sense of humor around here. I don't think Jason Kidd is a cut-up like you.
George: No, really. I have a no-trade clause. Check my contract.
[Tosses contract onto Nelson's desk.]
Nelson: Sweet mercy! You do have a no-trade clause! How did this happen?
George: I think it was a typo. Probably something left in the contract template from an offer you made to a good player. But it doesn't matter. It's there. And I'm killing the trade.
Nelson: But why?! Why would you do that to us? You can get your 12 minutes off the bench anywhere. We were getting Jason Kidd! We were finally going to win a championship!
George: You can win a championship with me. I can do everything Jason Kidd does.
Nelson: Oh, really? Jason Kidd is a surefire Hall of Famer. You are a spot starter.
George: I can rebound.
Nelson: Jason Kidd can rebound better.
George: I am unselfish.
Nelson: Jason Kidd is one of the most unselfish players ever.
George: I can shoot 3s.
Nelson: Jason Kidd can … look, we have enough players who can shoot 3s. Come on, this is ridiculous. What is the real reason you are sabotaging us? Why won't you go to New Jersey?
George: I don't want to uproot my family. We set down roots here in Dallas.
Nelson: Well, that is a fair concern. I can understand that. Wait … you aren't married. You don't have any kids.
George: Crap. I thought you would buy that one.
[Another knock at the door.]
Nelson: Come in.
[Mark Cuban comes into the room dancing the cha-cha, a lively dance of excitement.]
Mark Cuban: Hey, dudes! Whaaaazzzzz-up!
[Cuban gives awkward high-fives to George and Nelson while continuing to cha-cha around the room.]
Cuban: Is this trade going to be awesome or what, dawgs? Jason Kidd, baby!
Nelson: Yeah, about that. Devean is invoking his no-trade clause. The deal is dead.
Cuban: WHAT?!
[Cuban stops dancing for a moment. And then suddenly begins dancing the paso doble -- an angry, aggressive dance.]
George: Yeah. Sorry, Mr. Cuban. But I want to stay here.
Cuban: How dare you cross me! Do you know what I do to people who cross me?! Do you know what I did to Donald Trump?
George: What? What did you do to Donald Trump?
Cuban: Well … I, um … well, I wrote a very cutting blog post about him, that's what. And I'm going to do the same to you.
[Cuban paso dobles over to Nelson's computer, sits down, and begins typing a blog entry about George.]
Nelson: Oh, man. This is getting bad. We need something to lighten the mood. Where's Avery?
[Another knock on the door.]
Nelson: Come in. Avery! I was just talking about you. I was hoping you could lighten the mood in here a bit. Talk to me.
Avery Johnson: Talk to you about what? I don't feel like lightening the mood. I have a splitting headache and I just found out that my great aunt Sally is in the hospital with the gout.
Nelson: Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Stop! Stop it! You're killing me! The sound of your voice gets me every time, Avery. Thank you. You're the best. I needed that.
OK. Now, Devean. Let's get back on track. What is the real reason you are killing this trade?
Cuban: And that's that! All done, Devean George. You have totally been dissed on my blog. I hope you are happy with yourself. And you're out of luck if you ever hope to be interviewed or profiled on HDNet. Sucks to be you. R-O-T-F-L-M-A-O!
George: Did you just say "R-O-T-F-L-M-A-O"?
Cuban: Yes. L-O-L.
George: Jeez, you are such a dork.
[Cuban creepily stares George down. He then turns and quicksteps out of the room, taking Avery Johnson as his partner.]
[Another knock at the door.]
Nelson: Yes. Come in.
Dirk Nowitzki: Hallo.
Nelson: Hello, Dirk.
George: Hi, Dirk.
Nowitzki: Devean, I am happy that Jason Kidd is coming to Dallas. But I am sorry to see you go. I have made you a mix tape of David Hasselhoff love ballads. They express what I feel toward you. I hope you enjoy it. Here you go.
[Nowitzki hands mix tape to George.]
Nelson: Dirk, bad news. Devean here has nixed the trade. He has a no-trade clause.
Nowitzki: [Loud cursing in German.] No! This can't be! Jason Kidd and I were going to be playoff magic. He would draw the double-team and then feed me the ball for wide-open, fall-away jumpers at the top of the key. [More loud cursing in German.]
Devean! Give me back my Hasselhoff mix tape! You don't deserve it!
[Nowitzki rips the Hasselhoff tape away from George and clutches it to his heart.]
Nelson: Dirk, just calm down a minute. Are you angry at Devean right now?
Nowitzki: Yes.
Nelson: Do you hate him even?
Nowitzki: Yes.
Nelson: Then give him the Hasselhoff tape. He definitely deserves it.
[Nowitzki gives the tape back to George and leaves the room, muttering, "Auf Wiedersehen."]
Nelson: OK, Devean. We are finally alone again. Now tell me the real reason you are killing this Jason Kidd trade.
[A cell phone rings.]
George: Excuse me. I have to take this.
[George whispers into the phone: "Yeah, I'm here with him now. Just a minute." And then hands the cell phone to Nelson.]
Here, it's for you anyway.
Nelson: Umm … hello? Who is this?
Mitch Kupchak: It's Mitch Kupchak. Sorry to hear your Jason Kidd trade fell through.
Nelson: Wait … how did you know about that already?
Kupchak: Oh, I knew before you did, Donn. Remember who you signed Devean away from two years ago?
Nelson: Yeah, you guys -- the Lakers.
Kupchak: Exactly. He signed with you, but he is still working as an operative for us. Enjoy watching us destroy you in the playoffs with Kobe and Gasol while Jason Kidd rots away in New Jersey! Bwaah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Bwaah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
Nelson: Noooooooo! Kupchaaaaaaaaaak!
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Devean George: 不能說的秘密
德克薩斯 達拉斯
禮拜三的下午
達拉斯小牛之球隊辦公室
一陣敲門聲響在GM Donn Nelson的門上
Donn Nelson: 進來
[Devean George 進了辦公室]
Nelson: 你好嗎? Devean.準備好要去藍網了嗎? 我們很感激這些日子以來你在小牛所做出的貢獻.
George: 恩.....關於這個. 我不想這麼說, 但我不會去New Jersey的. 我要動用我的拒絕交易條款.
Nelson: 哈哈!不錯~不錯~ Devean George 有權利拒絕被交易.非常有趣. 就像那些給 average, run-of-the-mill
players 的. 不錯不錯... Devean. 但現在不是搞笑的時候. I don't think Jason Kidd is a cut-up like you.
George: 我不是在唬爛. 看看我的合約你就瞭了.
[把合約扔到桌子上.]
Nelson: 好孩子! 你真有這項權利! 怎麼會這樣?
George: 我想這是影印的. 大概是你給某個優秀球員的合約的影本.但那不重要. 這玩意就在那. 而我
現在要讓樁交易完蛋.
Nelson: 但你幹麻這樣?! 為何要這樣對我們? 你可以在任何地方擁有12分鐘的上場時間. 我們可以得
到Jason Kidd! 我們終於有機會可以成為冠軍!
George: 我也可以為你們贏得冠軍. 我可以做到任何事 Jason Kidd 能為你們做的.
Nelson: Oh, 金ㄟㄚGAYㄟ? Jason Kidd 是未來的名人堂球員.你只是個功能性球員.
George: 我會抓籃板.
Nelson: Jason Kidd 抓的更多.
George: 我不會自幹.
Nelson: Jason Kidd 是史上最不自私的球員之一.
George: 我會飆三分.
Nelson: Jason Kidd 也會 … 看看.看看,我們隊裡已經有一堆人投三分了. 別鬧了,這真荒謬.
你到底為什麼要壞我們的好事? 你為什麼不去New Jersey?
George: 我不想讓家人離開這兒. 我們已經在達拉斯落地生根了.
Nelson: 嗯,這是人之常情. 我暸我瞭. ㄟㄟ..........但幾ㄟ!你沒家後!. 你沒有任何孩子!
George:廢話. 我以為你會被我唬住.
[另一陣敲門聲.]
Nelson: 進來.
[Mark Cuban 一邊興奮的跳著恰恰一邊輕盈的跳進房門.]
Mark Cuban: 嘿,花花公子! 哩"口甲"霸未!
[Cuban對著George and Nelson 張開手掌,一邊繼續跳恰恰.]
Cuban: 這筆交易會讓人敬畏或是....? Jason Kiddㄟ, 寶貝!
Nelson:恩,關於這個. Devean 要動用它的禁交易條款. 這筆交易是死會了.
Cuban: 蝦米?!
[Cuban 停下了步伐. 然後又開始了另一種舞步-paso doble -- 一種憤怒的,具侵略性的舞蹈.]
George: 沒錯,抱歉了 Mr. Cuban.但我想賴在這.
Cuban: 爾何敢忤逆庵! 爾是否知曉忤逆吾之者下場何如?! 你知道我對Donald Trump怎麼了嗎?
George: 蝦米? 你對Donald Trump做了什麼?
Cuban: 這個 … 我, 恩 … 這個,我在部落格寫了一篇關於他的尖銳文章, 沒錯. 而且我要幹同樣
的事在你身上.
[Cuban 一邊跳 paso doble 一面跳到Nelson 的電腦旁, 坐了下來, 開始敲打關於George的文章.]
Nelson: 喔,拜託. 這真糟糕. 我們需要點能讓我們奇檬子爽的. Avery在哪?
[另一陣敲門聲.]
Nelson: 進來吧. Avery! 我剛剛正講到你. 我希望你能讓我的心情爽一點..跟我聊聊吧!
Avery Johnson: 跟你聊個屁?我不想讓你爽. 我頭都快痛到炸掉了我的Sally姑姑最近
才因為痛風在醫院休養.
Nelson: 啊哈哈哈哈哈! 停下! 停下! 快笑死我了! 每次聽到你的聲音就讓我很爽, Avery
. 謝啦.你是最棒的,我就需要你的聲音 OK.現在, Devean. 讓我們回歸正題吧.
你破壞交易到底是想幹麻?
Cuban: 全都好了! Devean George. 我已經在部落格上儘可能的諷刺你了.
我想你要為你自己感到高興. 你真鳥. R-O-T-F-L-M-A-O!
George: 你是說"R-O-T-F-L-M-A-O"?
Cuban: Yes. L-O-L.
George: Jeez, you are such a dork.
[Cuban 偷偷的瞪了George 一眼. 接著他快步走出辦公室, Avery Johnson
跟著離開了.]
[另一陣敲門聲.]
Nelson: 進來吧.
Dirk Nowitzki: Hallo.
Nelson: Hello, Dirk.
George: Hi, Dirk.
Nowitzki: Devean, 我很高興 Jason Kidd 要來達拉斯了. 但我很遺憾你要走了.我幫你
把David Hasselhoff 的情歌燒在一起了. 這表達了我對你的情感. 我希望你會喜歡.
在這裡.
[Nowitzki 將帶子交給 George.]
Nelson: Dirk, 壞消息. Devean 拒絕了交易. 他有這項權利.
Nowitzki: [用德文大聲咒罵.] 不! 這不可能! Jason Kidd和我要在季後賽玩耍對手
. 他會吸引 double-team 然後為我製造 wide-open, 在弧頂的fall-away jumpers.
[更大聲的德文咒罵.]
Devean!還我Hasselhoff mix tape! 你沒資格擁有它!
[Nowitzki 把 Hasselhoff tape 從 George搶回來並抱在懷裡.]
Nelson: Dirk, 冷靜一下. 你現在對Devean 很不爽嗎?
Nowitzki: Yes.
Nelson: 甚至是恨他?
Nowitzki: Yes.
Nelson: 那就給他Hasselhoff tape. 他絕對值得擁有它.
[Nowitzki 把帶子給了 George 後就離開了房間, 小聲嘀咕,"Auf Wiedersehen."]
Nelson: OK, Devean. 我們終於又能獨處了. 現在告訴我你搞砸 Jason Kidd 交易案的真正目的.
[行動電話的鈴聲響了.]
George: 抱歉.我得接一下.
[George小聲對著手機說: "沒錯,我正在他這兒. 等等." 接著他把電話給了Nelson.]
給你聽的.
Nelson: 恩 … hello? 你是誰?
Mitch Kupchak:我是Mitch Kupchak. 我真遺憾 Jason Kidd 不能成為小牛.
Nelson: 但幾ㄟ… 哩那災?
Kupchak: 我在你知道之前就瞭了. 記得兩年前你從哪兒簽來 Devean 嗎?
Nelson: 當然,你們湖人ㄚ.
Kupchak:正是. 他表面上是你們的人,但裡子裡還是個湖人. 享受我們在季後賽用kobe跟gasol摧毀你們吧!
還有,看著kidd在new jersey腐敗吧! 哈哈哈哈哈哈! 哈哈哈哈哈哈!
Nelson: 不不不不不不不! Kupchaaaaaaaaaak!
翻譯者:小弟本人
Dallas Mavericks For Life.
Dirk "Wunderkind" Nowitzki